Funny Sayings

+15

Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.

+10

When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.

+10

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

+10

The chicken came first – God would look silly sitting on an egg.

+10

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

+10

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back.

+10

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

+9

If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.

+9

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

+8

If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.

+8

A great name for a new country song: If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now.

+8

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

+8

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

+8

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

+8

The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.