You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.